A Hopeful Crossroads in Life

Hey! So let me share what's going on in my life right now. From the start, this blog was supposed to be me revealing to you everything about me in my brokenness so that you will see (God willing) what it looks like for a sinner to stumble upon the flattering grace of God and remain humble about it. That's what it feels like... flattering. I don't deserve this love, guys... it flatters me that God cares about me.


I'm handling seminary online fairly well. Subtract the late-night Call of Duty sessions and add S.O.A.P. in the morning (see bottom of post), and thats what God wants of me, I know. 


The crossroads I speak of is this. I am growing sick of being known as "the downer" and the withdrawn kid who remembers painful memories more than the good ones. I have realized that I am at a point where I'm asking myself, who do I want to be? I think I started realizing this after listening to John Mayer's "Who Says". 

"Who says I can't be free, from all of the things that I used to be? 

Rewrite my history... who says I can't be free?" 

Everyone wants that! I'm emotionally needy, I'm vulnerable, and I'm aware I need God because of how wicked I am. I battle myself every day... and 99 percent of my problems are only problems because of how I respond to them. So I ask myself, can I really live my life letting this stuff get me down? Can all this really keep me in chains? How much longer can this really go on? I have hope in God, I know he comes through! I really don't believe that my life will be dominated by hopelessness much longer!

So I'm sick of staying in this position. Turning to what is wrong in me, I want a different life. I'm still a spoiled little white American Christian brat who loves money and attention. It's gotta stop. It's nothing but rot in my heart. God has changed SO much in me but he also calls for action, for obedience, and procrastination is NOT obedience. I want to see myself characterized by several things: 

• Giving money to my church so WE can have increased ability to bless our community.
• Not being tossed to and fro by my emotions, but instead tossed to and fro by the Holy Spirit. 
• Making real friends, and being deliberate in giving them my time. 
• Listening to God all day because I love to... not because it might make me "good". 
• Being aware that I can choose to make people happy or sad, and that others' emotions matter too... not just my own. Narcissism doesn't only come in obvious forms.

I love you guys. I'm real quiet, and socially withdrawn, and I really don't wanna be that way. I hate it... I want so much to spend time really getting to know my friends and anyone who desires that too. Help me get to know you, k? Don't think I'm not grateful for all you do. :) -G

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Afterthought. I plan on attending the S.O.A.P. meeting at Bojangles tomorrow morning at 7, Bojays on Arlington with Randy and JoMo, oh you know it, it's gonna be sweeeeeeeet

Actually it's going to be a really intimate time with God as I admit, in a spirit of chagrin, that I don't have it all together...  and as I ask him to please reveal more of himself to me in the Word. That's the point of the Bible... to learn more about God. Why am I so arrogant to claim to know the point of the Bible? Well, I'm not... but the Bible is all about God. Life is about nothing more than his glory. Whether you live or die, you will serve to show how utterly powerful he is. He has already won. So, if you want to know more about this God who wants your loyalty, ask me what times there are S.O.A.P. meetings and I'll let you know. I think it's a wonderful idea from a wonderfully different church who just wants to stay loyal to God out of the sheer joy of it. 

update on my life

Hi all! I have not been a faithful blogger. But I wanted to update you on some things in case you didn't already know. 


I got into seminary at Southeastern in the town of Wake Forest! That means the first year I will be doing it online and living here in Greenville, because I signed a lease before I ever thought of going to seminary. And I don't feel like backing out on good friends when that would mean they'd be responsible for paying my portion.


Everything else is pretty much the same. Off and on I have trouble with my back... please pray for that. Pray that I would be diligent about my rehab and that the core issues with my back would be resolved and corrected. I need this... I need my life back. 


I just got Alex Denning to make a blogger profile but Safari crashed and he lost it. He'll do it later. 


When it comes to being single, I'm back and forth, but I'm leaning towards content, right now. I'm more than willing to be patient if it means waiting for the right girl. Amazing all the bullcrap people feed you about "being a virgin is harmful to your psychological well-being." If I had ever had sex, especially with any of the crazies I dated, I promise you I'd be one MESSED UP kid. I had enough issues that I needed to pray through for years, even without that problem. Adding that bond to a kid who grew up clingy, and that would have made me go off the deep end. 


Anyhow. Thank you for reading! Thank you for following me on Twitter as well. I'm elated that so many of you think I'm funny. I think I am too sometimes. I just get these thoughts and I go with it. I could never be a comedian... but life is just funny sometimes, don't you agree? And I have funny friends that allowed my sense of humor to develop and take form. Thanks guys. 


Thanks for being my friends. I realize I can be critical and sarcastic sometimes. I've been confronted on it. Sometimes I'm the only one who thinks a statement is funny. I shall be more wise with my tongue next time. 


My hope is that I can be more real with everyone and live to please God, not myself. Being a suburb kid is a deadly thing. I don't want to live insulated from reality forever. In terms of my faith, let's just say that I'm very much snuggled up in my routine and that I don't really want anything major to change right now. Pray my heart is broken for my neighbors here in America that rot slowly in the dark away from the life God gives. I feel like my mission field is here. 


But anyway. Love Christ. That's all I ask. Love you guys. -G

Doing great, thanks to God

Just wanna say that God has really done so much for me this summer and I've changed a lot. I realize where I need to change and I've let go of my past relationships, which is absolutely unheard of for me. I'm learning that everything but Christ is basically crap. And that's a scriptural notion. All else is loss compared to Christ. Living is for Christ, but dying is even better, in the words of Paul. I have doubted my salvation lately, and that I'm even chosen, but I can look and see how my life has changed and how my feelings for girls don't bind me like chains anymore, so I know I'm saved. That was a miraculous difference for me.

Thanks for reading, thanks for commenting, thanks for giving me reason to keep reflecting online on what God teaches me week by week. I suck as a person, I'm messed up, I give people the cold shoulder and don't talk to some but others I just pour my time into. I'm not even going to apologize yet because that would be dishonest. I'm not sorry. But I know that Christ will change my heart and I will be sorry. And then I will seek you out and treat all of you equally instead of ignoring some and favoring others.

I just want you to think about one thing this week. And sunday is the beginning of the week, not monday. Think about this, it's based on Luke 15:26. In whatever you do, as soon as you wake up till the minute your eyes close at night, does what you're doing say that you love Christ more than anything?