I'm searching for answers in a world where most Christians try to have a textbook answer for everybody on "dating", relationships, etc. It's all become so tired and hateful that I can't stand it anymore. Everything's cliche. I don't ever want to talk about my views on it because I know I'll get the same opinion over and over again from Christians.
We all want to mean something to somebody. I don't think I'm ever going to stop feeling a need for a woman until that's filled. People can quip all day about "Jesus is all you need" but I think the idea of me "needing" someone else is more beautiful and illustrates just how helpless I am as a lone man in front of God. People can hate, but I'm not a fake charmer or a snob, I just want to be an honest man.
Okay honest man, what do you feel? What I honestly feel is a magnetism. I can't help the pull; it's just there. I know eventually I'll have to find a solution to it because it drives me crazy very slowly and romantically and obsessively. I'm like Stanley Ipckis [Jim Carrey] in The Mask. I want a woman who appreciates a good guy, who's smart enough not to waste her heart on men who are boys in men's bodies. I want a woman who, PLEASE, wants me NOT for my looks, but for my passions, my insides, what I love in life. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not complimenting myself by mentioning my looks. But all my relationships failed because they were about how she thought I was cute, and she didn't care about what I love in life at all. It was kid love. It was silly. And just like Stanley Ipckis, I'm dying for the opportunity to break free, and be who I want to be for somebody. I've got to love myself for who I am and understand that I'm enough. That I'm worth it. I've got to value what I have to offer a girl, instead of hating myself and thinking I'm never enough. And I'm not going to use a "mask" to get a girl. I'm not going to be fake-cool, the kind that gets you lots of hot female friends for when you decide you want to have a party. I hate that life, I don't want it. I don't care if the girl thinks I'm sexy or if she thinks I'm really smart or she likes my talents or wants an accessory man, or if she just wants to get in my pants. I want you to see what I love in life, and I hope that it'll be enough for you. Because our lives burn away very quickly, like candles; and we have to stop. We have to cherish who the other person is. We can't just let this go by, thinking it's all about "pleasing me". Because it will go by, and for billions of people, it has. Be different. Don't be a conformist. Listen to what I just said. Don't live the life that's happened billions of times before.
I'm a poetic guy. I'm not gay, I am who I am. I'll say what I want to say because it's how I feel, and I'd be hopelessly boring and intellectually stupid if I didn't cross that line of what you think I SHOULD do as a normal man. I don't earn my "mancard" (such a dismal invention of an achievist, self-critical society) by anything I do. I do it by loving Christ and especially myself (the person God made me), and not being content with living a spiritually dull life. If I don't love myself right where I am, then tell me, how can I love my neighbor as myself? Or have you forgotten that the very thing Jesus calls us to do is love ourselves just as we are, so that we can accept grace? Who can accept undeserved grace if they only self-loathe? I'm not talking about "Oprah self-love" that makes you into such a good person, you're a god. I'm talking about the self-love that brings contentment and peace of mind, that when all falls apart, at least you love who you are, because hey, God does.
