After having forsaken God earlier this afternoon in one of the many ways in which I do, I woke from my nap a few minutes ago, sat up and realized that God is laughing at me. God is laughing that I would ever think I can shake him or do something so bad that it would discourage him from his loving mission for me. What I felt was that he was smiling at me and he told me I have every hope in the world because my righteousness was never actually mine... it was his. And that nothing I do could lessen his hold on me, and that it's really quite a joke I think I have any power to change that. My loved and privileged status in his eyes is only because of his selfless nature to put up with such ignorant fools as myself. But anyway, what it felt like was God's boisterous laughing amusement that if I am now any less sure of his love for me, then I've lost my brain.
I then got to thinking about this whole Protector thing that's going on. He laughed at me for thinking I could shake him, lose him with my sin. It really seems quite plain right now, to be honest with you... and may God humble me severely if there is any pride in my words. I do tend to love the thrill of sounding smart, after all.
The specific Protection I'm referring to, that cannot be lost, that exists beyond my choice, is nothing more than the Holy Spirit. It's not strange, it's not spooky, it's not some stupid ghost based in physical matter like the orbs and shadowy shapes they claim to show you on TV. But there is Something quite beyond me that is amused I think I could ever shake myself out of his arms.
The Bible says we're indwelt by the Holy Spirit. A lot of people hear "indwelt" and immediately fit it with the schemas of what they know: exorcisms, demons, unwholesome things inhabiting, indwelling people. That there's a sort of a powerful and dark connotation here, with a sense that it is very strange and unwelcome.
But the application of the Holy Spirit to our souls is not weird; it is nothing more than something Real unwaveringly protecting and transforming something irreparably fake. Something so fake, it doesn't even know it is. Humanity continues in its course not understanding just how futile it is without God's loving help. And we could never know what is actually real until it became visible for us.
It's an eye-opening moment. And it's probably not something I can "cause" anyone to have by reading this. It's just that the longer I've known God, the more I think that to sweat my past mistakes is silly... he's already past it. I confess why it was wrong to my Friend and I move on. Do I always have the sense to do that? No. But sometimes God helps me see that.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Love is limited only by choice... not time.
Love is a choice... there's the feeling, but you also have to deliberately choose to make it that person and that person only that you chase. You have to want her, not just it. If you want the feeling, just keep chasing the wind, but don't delude yourself. Do we really know anyone else, who they really are? Or do we just love the thought of them? One of the most satisfying things in life is to know exactly who someone is and love them for it. That's my thinking anyway.
It's a deep pursuit, a profound choice. It's no secret life is scary and complex. How naive to expect love to be any different! If you want to get to know somebody, you're going to need to have lots of love, patience, and deliberately know why you're doing it. Don't do it if your only motive is it's fun. Do it if you see a glimpse of who she is, who he is, and you feel drawn to them.
Perhaps we've let that one line in Song of Solomon take over our Christian understanding of love to an unhealthy degree: "I implore you, women of Jerusalem, not to awake love before its time." We've made love a time bomb. A watched pot never boils. We assume it's all about right timing and clockwork. We've put math to the mystery. It doesn't work that way. If you want to fall in love with somebody in a sensible, godly way, I know for me that what I said in the first two paragraphs is a good start. It's what I've learned. It's not always ONLY about patience and timing and waiting and waiting and waiting. It's about a deliberate choice in whatever you do. If you're single, then for God's sake, KNOW WHY you're single and BE single. If you're falling for someone, then ask yourself WHY do I feel drawn to them; do you love the person you know, or the person you think they are? Has the girl "let you in" yet? If not, why do you think she's the one for you? Has the guy demonstrated the character of which he is actually willing to deny his own desires out of humility in favor of pleasing God and respecting you?
You see, the second we use the words "patience" and "waiting" we immediately use something I'd call "time metaphor". Love was never about time. Love exists outside of time, Scripture says it lasts past that. So why would we use time metaphors to try to teach people about how to fall in love, how not to fall in love? God has patience, he can endure a million years no problem. You and I? We're creatures of flesh and pain. We can't handle it because we weren't meant to. All we can do with our limited time here is make DELIBERATE DECISIONS to love others. It's about practical actions, intentional efforts. It's about knowing why you're doing something... not how long it takes to get there. Don't contextualize with time. Don't worry about how long it's been or going to be before you find that person who will love you like crazy. Think only about the people in your life now and make deliberate decisions in light of who they are... and what you can give them.
If they need Jesus, give them Him. If you know who a person really is underneath and you love him, then please be honest with yourself and just love him. And if you get a glimpse of a young woman who loves Jesus so much she sacrifices other areas of life to be closer to him, by all means, chase that girl to the other end of the world. Please. The world needs you to do that. We need you to do that. We all need everybody else to come alive and know why we're doing what we're doing, and then act on it. -George
Monday, July 11, 2011
Hello again!
Hi! I haven't blogged since February and I see that others are getting back into it; I thought I would just get on here and say some quick things. I have been enjoying my job at Overton's and have become more responsible thanks to that hefty commitment. I haven't picked up painting this summer like I wanted to... and haven't done anything with photography. I mostly work and play music. My cousin Drew, Allen, and I want to start making some alternative music and play downtown, maybe at that new coffee shop The Scullery. It has to be hands down my favorite coffee shop in town. I'm trying not to freak out that I don't have any school lined up for this fall and that I don't know what to do with myself. I'm thinking of throwing myself into a business degree but that could be a really stupid idea, but maybe not.
I used to feel more philosophical, deep, in-the-know. After I stopped blogging I have started to realize that most of what I talked about was mostly to establish some sort of hip self-image. Truth is, what I say really doesn't amount to anything. I could die tomorrow and nothing about me would matter 10 years from now. So I don't want to have the kind of "Christianity" that rears its head in the fashion of an intellectual hipster blogging and being wrapped up in himself. I'd rather have the kind now that comes from being in pain, seeing that I owe God my loyalty, and seeing what he has for me. It's a decision made out of devotion rather than "this is gonna be cool." I have learned more about myself this year than ever... as in, how selfish I am. Issues I thought were dead, are really things that I still fight with mightily. Let's take my dependence on women. God is slowly making me realize that no woman can be counted on the way I can count on him. I love girls, I really do. But I just can't do this anymore. God won't let me have anything I want. At least not until I learn to love him like a freaking magnet, the way I am with any girl I'm head over heels for. And I have no idea if that's possible, they say it is, but I haven't gotten there myself. We will see.
In any case I asked God last year to make 2011 a year that I grow. That, of course, was actually the best way to invite discipline and a certain measure of "ruin" into my life so that God could do that very "growing" in me. And I knew that... but I still knew I couldn't keep from growing up. I just want to get where God wants me so I can get my heart right, understand how to enjoy my Dad in Heaven right here right now, etc etc. I've been ignoring him for days. He keeps wanting to spend time with me and I keep saying I'll read the Word but I don't. My prayers are weak and distracted. I keep reminding myself that it's not about what I do for him but what he does for me that matters... that makes any difference at all.
And when it comes to women...
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