How I'm doing

Hey. This week has been restorative for me, personally... though not as intensely restorative as it should have been. I haven't been putting all my heart into prayer. But I have been making an effort to honestly talk to God. Part of my problem is I don't let myself feel His love... it feels like I'm cheating Jesus, cheating God... taking something I didn't earn or deserve. It really feels wrong. I guess it should... considering I really don't deserve it. I think I'm beginning to understand the real gospel now... how this grace is undeserved and unwarranted and that my efforts will never make me any better than the sorriest son of a dog anywhere... sin is sin and God's never cool with it.

Sometimes when I write, it has the effect of making me feel good about myself... that I'm creative and sound spiritual to others. Pride is a very dangerous thing, and I pray right now that if I have any intent here to win your favor with my words and intellect, that God would crush it now.

Just know that I'm feeling better. Pray that I love Christ and want Him more than anything else... please.

Thanks for reading

Hey I hear about more and more people reading my blog, which I want to thank you guys for. Thank you first and foremost because I do it so people will read it and idk, I just like sharing stuff. You've noticed by now, some posts refer to spiritual topics, some refer to how I'm doing, and some are poems, and some are random thoughts. I'm a little weird. But I mean, it's me and I wouldn't change that at all. So thanks for enjoying it. -G

What cannot be perceived is hidden. Everyone has wounds... things we need to work on and so forth.

Same difference.

In old testament times it was called "worshiping Baal", a name the Bible reserves for any number of sex gods. In modern times it's called looking at porn. You look at the image, you place it on the pedestal of your heart. It owns you. Kind of ironic that back then, they were bold enough to come out and call it a god. It's like we're not as smart as they were.

Down to earth

Just to let you know a bit about my life right now, I work an average of 4 days a week, and some days more than 6 hours. It's been hell for my school and grades and I feel almost as if it's hurt my relationship with Christ because I put so much energy in the other things that success seems to have come knocking on my door with a paycheck in hand, and I kinda feel like... what do I need Christ for? (This is why I'm so afraid of wealth... I KNOW I'll be smugly satisfied without Christ). That's the heartbreaking thing about it. I know I need him more than anything, and I'm trying to hold onto that, but dang it's like for practical purposes I have it made. I hope that I don't need to have God take away my job just so that I can refocus... but I know he will if I keep ignoring him, and it'll be just what I need. I've been so bland lately. Salt that's lost its flavor... I mean, I do have spiritual conversations sometimes which is always rewarding, but... I don't know. Something's missing. I just don't feel like my treasure is Christ... I feel so distant. I'm open to suggestions because it hurts to realize this about myself.

I will say this... I worship myself a lot. My looks, my social life, etc. I'm trying hard to reverse this.

Don't trust feel-good gospel

Micah 2:11

Suppose a prophet full of lies were to say to you, "I'll preach to you the joys of wine and drink!" That's just the kind of prophet you would like!

_____________________________________

I can see us also substituting "wealth and money" in these quotes.

Inspired by "Savior" by electro-pop group "Lights"

Lulled asleep in my ignorance, a spark awakes
In my mind, beneath the armour plates
Of my heart. And I remember my passion,
My worldess, undescribed yearning,
Inevitible like gravity as it pulls on my heart
I would bleed to serve this purpose,
I would give my life like in the books
And the movies
And the tales of passion and glory and romance and destruction

Remember the times you felt overwhelmed?
Remember the way your heart breaks
When you remember what you're fighting for
And though it's broken, it's actually stronger than ever
Your heart: it moves you. It pulls you. It bends you
Until you think you shall break like a twig.
And you, a twig, remain. But you are a twig
In the hands of Someone
More wonderful than you could possibly imagine.
And He's making something with you
That you could never understand.

I just want to be so much and so free
And to stand on the unreachable cliffs and peaks
And throw off the lock and the chains
And run screaming through the rain
In free-ness and liberation
In glorious exultation

I want to see, I want to live
I want to always be ready to give.

Gonna crack on Joel Osteen for a second

The following is an excerpt from a page about Joel Osteen's new book. I caught a few things in here that ARE NOT really scriptural. Tell me what you think, I'm hoping for some discussion. Problem areas are in yellow text. Here's the link:

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Its-Your-Time/Joel-Osteen/e/9781439100110/?cds2Pid=31659

_______________________________________

It's Your Time: Activate Your Faith, Achieve Your Dreams, and Increase in God's Favor

Get your hopes up. Raise your expectations. Your best days are in front of you.

In challenging times, it may be hard to see better days ahead. You may feel as though your struggles will never end, that things won't ever turn around for you.

This is exactly the moment to put your faith into action and expect God's blessings.

It's your time to declare your faith, to look for God's favor, and to give control of your life to Him so that you can find fulfillment in His plans for you!

It's Your Time to believe.

It's not easy to always be optimistic. Life can be difficult, and in hard economic times it's not just your finances that suffer. Your relationships can be strained. Your health can be stressed. Bad habits can return and negative thoughts can take over.

When one part of your life after another takes a bad turn, you can feel like there is no end in sight, no way out. The truth is, maybe you don't have an answer. But God does! Maybe you don't have the strength. But God does!

It's Your Time for favor.

In It's Your Time, bestselling author Joel Osteen, pastor of the nation's largest church, offers the inspirational truth that no matter where you stand in life, you are never alone. He reminds you also that the bigger your burden, the greater your blessings to come.

You may have neglected God, but He has not abandoned you. He has already released good things into your future. As long as you're breathing, you can still reclaim His favor by renewing your faith and accepting His plans for you.

It's Your Time for restoration.

In these pages, Joel offers assurances that God does not want you to merely survive challenging times, He wants you to thrive. When you give your life over to Him, God will send opportunities your way so that you can soar to new heights of fulfillment.

History has shown that the most difficult times can serve as catalysts for creativity, innovation, and accomplishment. If you hold on to your faith, ask for God's favor, and don't give in to depression or discouragement, you will emerge not bitter but better, not a victim but a victor.

It's Your Time to trust.

God already is working in your life to arrange the right people, the right skills, and the right opportunities to give you the tools you need to fulfill and exceed your dreams.

Drawing from Joel's experiences and those of people around the world, It's Your Time offers messages of faith, hope, and strength to help you rise above any circumstance so that you can fulfill God's best plan for your life.

It's Your Time to stretch.

Joel has filled this book with bold new prayers, inspiring stories, and practical tools for moving forward in faith. You will find inspiration from others who have overcome adversity and achieved their dreams. You will find proven methods for not just picking up the pieces but for building a new life better than you'd imagined.

The hopeful messages and warm encouragements in this book will push you to expand your horizons beyond what you thought you were capable of doing so that you might go even farther than you'd ever dreamed of going.
_____________________________________________

I think what jumps out at me the most is the idea of "increasing in God's favor" being paired with the idea of increased financial wealth and security. Jesus didn't come for us to have financial security... read Luke 12: 13-21.

Either you're in favor with God or you're not. Either you've accepted Christ and become a God-lover who struggles with sin, or you are a sinner who struggles with sin. And as for the accumulation of wealth, there is no individualism in the kingdom of Heaven, no room for you putting yourself first. There is no way to earn God's favor by what you do (except by accepting Jesus into your heart). Isn't it ironic that you never hear Joel talk about Jesus as being the one thing you need? Isn't it ironic that what he emphasizes as your worst possible predicament is not sin itself, but monetary mediocrity?