Hi! We're doing a series on sex at Discovery Church! You should come. *sounds as preppy as possible*. Anyway, sex is a serious topic, and I think you'll hear some opinions you've never heard. This isn't going to be your normal talk about sex... which is little more than a joke.
You'll have to excuse how easily I talk about sex... I'm a psychology major. We get used to it.
Seems like sex has been the topic of my life the past couple days. Just in hearing about the upcoming series, and in things I've heard people say. And yes, I will admit, it is in my desires, as anyone reading this can identify with on their own. Let me just say that desires ARE GOOOOOD. Bodies are GOOD too. God called them good, just read Genesis.
I want to write about sex tonight because I learned several good points from a book I'm finally reading. I bought it in December of 2007... it's called real SEX, by Lauren Winner. She spoke at Winter Conference with Crusade, where I bought it. I wanna quote just a little bit of it. There are lots of ways in which we can live wrongly in our bodies.
"Catholic novelist Walker Percy often took latter-day Gnosticism as his theme. He suggested that our failure to live well in our bodies manifests itself in two ways (manifestations that may be in tension with one another but that are not mutually exclusive). Either we live as angels, as though we don't have bodies, or we live as beasts, as if bodies are all there is. In either scenario, we witness the 'trivialization of the erotic by its demotion to yet another technique and need satisfaction of the organism.'"
Ok. What she's saying here is this. Both of these ways are mistakes as Christians. We can either live as slaves to our sexuality, as if that's the
only influence on us, OR we can be cold, frigid people who have tried so hard to suppress our sexuality that we actually have trouble saying YES to sex after we're married. You might associate the former example with males. Our culture associates males with sex drives and it associates women with the latter example... cold and generally unmotivated by sexual desire. But both genders can technically fulfill both examples. You can have a male (defying the stereotype) who thinks his body is bad and ends up never really embracing himself for who he is... he lives as a tame nice guy who never learns that sex is rightfully his quest (in the proper context). Or you can have a female who (defying the stereotype) sleeps with anything that moves.
Too long have we had only two examples of attitudes about sex. They are hedonism and obliteration, according to Winner. Hedonism says that it's only for fun, no consequences, it's none of your business, and its worth is measured only by the strength of the orgasm. Obliteration says that every trace of sex should be wiped out so that it's hidden and no one talks about it because sex is bad and bodies/desires are bad things worthy of being "stamped out of existence."
Between them, in the middle, is discipline. Sex is good. Bodies are good. Desires are good things too. Stop being sorry for the way God made you, and simply start asking Him to satisfy you rightly so you don't keep looking to other things to do that. Sex is a communal thing that we hold each other accountable for... not just a selfish exchange between two people focusing on physical passion
which isn't always there (just ask yourself how turned on you feel after Monday classes or work). It is our business as a community because your joys are my joys and your pain is my pain and your sin can very quickly become my sin. Love bears and endures all things, it's part of sex and vice versa. It exists on the rainy days, on the hard days. On the days when you come in dripping with sweat from taking your kid to soccer practice and you're feeling worked, but your honey puts his/her arm around you and gives you a wink like in the Cialis commercial and off you go. It's in the heartache, the tension of your kid not turning out to be quite the Christian kid you wanted. It's in everything. It is OK for sex not to be stellar all the time. It is OK for it to be awkward.
I'm beginning to realize just how important finding the right girl is. I'm mostly at peace with my past relationships. Right now I'm realizing that I shouldn't be trying to be buddy buddy with my latest one, but instead move on in the direction of being single and happy.
How the heck do we do that anyway? Here's how. I'm not praying anymore for God to give me what I want (happiness, a girl, whatever), but now I'm asking for Him to simply
help me enjoy Him. We end up desiring what we want more than we actually desire God. I've actually found a lot of contentment the past week while doing this. It feels like I have a refuge.
But believe me, if I don't die first, I WILL someday get married. God puts desires in our hearts because He wants us to find the way of satisfying them that glorifies Him. God is all about God. And He does answer prayers. But only the sincere ones that are for Him, not us.
