It's 4 AM and here are my thoughts.

I just had a great conversation with Aaron... he's asleep now. But it was about personality conflicts and making sound Biblical decisions regardless of people's opinions. I've had difficulty getting along with several people here on project simply because we have different personalities. To say I have not had that problem or to keep silent would be lying. My point is, it helped me to talk with Aaron. That's what's up. It was a relief to me.

We all have different opinions about things like what we want or need to hear. I've had situations come up lately where I'm hurting and unfortunately people interact with me the way THEY want to be loved, not the way I need to be. Unfortunately they don't understand that sometimes what I need to hear is not what they have to say at that moment. For example, when I'm depressed, I don't need anyone to tell me (1) that that's a legitimate brain dysfunction/imbalance. I want someone to tell me (2) that Jesus Christ changes lives and can bring a ray of hope into a situation. Yet the other day, people told me Response (1), and it didn't make me feel very good. Made me feel really alone and labeled. All I wanted was to have someone encourage me in Christ and all they did was make me feel worse. That day, I really didn't need to hear about medicinal treatments or cold hard facts, but just have some personal reassurance that everything's gonna be ok if I trust Jesus.

I'm not criticizing antidepressants and their users... please don't misunderstand me. I'm just in a stage of life right now where I cannot rely on that. My faith is too tiny... I couldn't afford to rely on medicine to improve my mood. That'd be too much of a crutch. I NEED my faith right now. I need to be FORCED to rely on it to save my mood from that place of despair. I CANNOT just hop on a medication and get happy, because if I did, I wouldn't feel the kind of pressure I do to cling to Christ every day that I live through. On an antidepressant, I'd be content. And I wouldn't be seeking God, because I wouldn't need Him to save my mood anymore. That's the best I can put it.

I need that obstacle right now, as weird as that sounds. It forces me to draw closer to Christ.
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I don't know why it says posted at 1:00 AM.