Witty thoughts about my need for a woman.

I'm searching for answers in a world where most Christians try to have a textbook answer for everybody on "dating", relationships, etc. It's all become so tired and hateful that I can't stand it anymore. Everything's cliche. I don't ever want to talk about my views on it because I know I'll get the same opinion over and over again from Christians. 


We all want to mean something to somebody. I don't think I'm ever going to stop feeling a need for a woman until that's filled. People can quip all day about "Jesus is all you need" but I think the idea of me "needing" someone else is more beautiful and illustrates just how helpless I am as a lone man in front of God. People can hate, but I'm not a fake charmer or a snob, I just want to be an honest man. 


Okay honest man, what do you feel? What I honestly feel is a magnetism. I can't help the pull; it's just there. I know eventually I'll have to find a solution to it because it drives me crazy very slowly and romantically and obsessively. I'm like Stanley Ipckis [Jim Carrey] in The Mask. I want a woman who appreciates a good guy, who's smart enough not to waste her heart on men who are boys in men's bodies. I want a woman who, PLEASE, wants me NOT for my looks, but for my passions, my insides, what I love in life. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not complimenting myself by mentioning my looks. But all my relationships failed because they were about how she thought I was cute, and she didn't care about what I love in life at all. It was kid love. It was silly. And just like Stanley Ipckis, I'm dying for the opportunity to break free, and be who I want to be for somebody. I've got to love myself for who I am and understand that I'm enough. That I'm worth it. I've got to value what I have to offer a girl, instead of hating myself and thinking I'm never enough. And I'm not going to use a "mask" to get a girl. I'm not going to be fake-cool, the kind that gets you lots of hot female friends for when you decide you want to have a party. I hate that life, I don't want it. I don't care if the girl thinks I'm sexy or if she thinks I'm really smart or she likes my talents or wants an accessory man, or if she just wants to get in my pants. I want you to see what I love in life, and I hope that it'll be enough for you. Because our lives burn away very quickly, like candles; and we have to stop. We have to cherish who the other person is. We can't just let this go by, thinking it's all about "pleasing me". Because it will go by, and for billions of people, it has. Be different. Don't be a conformist. Listen to what I just said. Don't live the life that's  happened billions of times before.


I'm a poetic guy. I'm not gay, I am who I am. I'll say what I want to say because it's how I feel, and I'd be hopelessly boring and intellectually stupid if I didn't cross that line of what you think I SHOULD do as a normal man. I don't earn my "mancard" (such a dismal invention of an achievist, self-critical society) by anything I do. I do it by loving Christ and especially myself (the person God made me), and not being content with living a spiritually dull life. If I don't love myself right where I am, then tell me, how can I love my neighbor as myself? Or have you forgotten that the very thing Jesus calls us to do is love ourselves just as we are, so that we can accept grace? Who can accept undeserved grace if they only self-loathe? I'm not talking about "Oprah self-love" that makes you into such a good person,  you're a god. I'm talking about the self-love that brings contentment and peace of mind, that when all falls apart, at least you love who you are, because hey, God does.

Beauty in Being Unique [Part 2 - Lost Magic]

I just realized... it's real easy to have the "Christian thing" figured out and taken care of, even the elusive concept of "grace", but what about falling in love with it along the way? Why is it that we believe the most beautiful thing in the world and yet, instead of God being that lost bit of magic, intrigue and mystery we've been hoping for since we were kids, our lives are more like a system just to "get through"? I feel like I'm finally getting it! :)


I was always really into fantasy movies. I just watched a Harry Potter movie tonight. There's something about such movies that always makes me really happy. I want to know why that's missing out of my life with God. God is more wonderful and wide and beautiful than any movie can be... so I know if I'm not getting this sense of childlike wonder out of my relationship with Him, I'm definitely missing something key. There's nothing ordinary about God... He's awesome, just ask King David.


I've got a method. A system. And God doesn't work in systems. He works in beautiful, uneven, messy patterns. He loves sloppy, silly individuals who don't have it together. The beautiful rocks and canyons and waterfalls shout His beauty more than stained glass windows ever could. Come undone. Let your walls down. Let the Lord in and let Him show you how beautiful everything is in itself. Be silly and undignified... stop trying to be beautiful and collected. He makes you righteous. He makes you beautiful. 


We always wanted to believe in magic when we were little. Ask any kid. We want to believe that the impossible is both a) possible and b) personally available to all of us. We want to believe that each of us each has his own unique "powers", if I may push the boundaries of language into the near-heretical to make a point. By that term, I meant our own unique role and special purpose that we've been blessed with by God. Don't you desire that?


What if it were all true? What if God does give us each a unique role in the "impossible"? What if that magic that always kept us entranced as kids were real? What if that was God, and not some impersonal force? What if that were available to each and every one of us, and in addition to making us powerful and beautiful in meaningful ways, it actually cared for us and loved us? 


I'm just enraptured as I write this because I have a hope... because a new understanding for me is near. I can feel it. The system of getting on God's good side, that I made with my own hands, is breaking down. I'm not abandoning Christ. I'm just rediscovering for myself that God is Someone I can dare to love and love wildly. And anyone who tells you different is clearly content with chains. 


I want the world to fall in love with Someone that is mysterious, powerful, wonderful, kind, lovely, poetic, tranquil, violent, perilous, natural, enduring, vast, and yes, magical. God is that for us. I always knew He was good, even before I accepted Him into my life. I never had any doubt. But now my eyes are opening and I can see that God is my magic. He is my unexplained but undeniable joy. He's always here for me, and I delight in getting to know more about who He is. It's no longer about saving me, He's promised that. It's about falling in love with Him as our Joy that we've hoped for all along. 


And suddenly we can see, it's not about physical beauty, status, wealth, power, influence, education, style, or anything else. It's open to anyone at all. God is the God of all that was created, and if He is our only hope, then can we not dare to believe that he can do the "impossible"? Isn't there a sense of wonder and "enchantment" in that? 


Christ invites us to a relationship that will never fail. God is all about His own awesome glory, and as far as I'm concerned, that's worth my life! That's the biggest dream I can dream of!