Witty thoughts about my need for a woman.

I'm searching for answers in a world where most Christians try to have a textbook answer for everybody on "dating", relationships, etc. It's all become so tired and hateful that I can't stand it anymore. Everything's cliche. I don't ever want to talk about my views on it because I know I'll get the same opinion over and over again from Christians. 


We all want to mean something to somebody. I don't think I'm ever going to stop feeling a need for a woman until that's filled. People can quip all day about "Jesus is all you need" but I think the idea of me "needing" someone else is more beautiful and illustrates just how helpless I am as a lone man in front of God. People can hate, but I'm not a fake charmer or a snob, I just want to be an honest man. 


Okay honest man, what do you feel? What I honestly feel is a magnetism. I can't help the pull; it's just there. I know eventually I'll have to find a solution to it because it drives me crazy very slowly and romantically and obsessively. I'm like Stanley Ipckis [Jim Carrey] in The Mask. I want a woman who appreciates a good guy, who's smart enough not to waste her heart on men who are boys in men's bodies. I want a woman who, PLEASE, wants me NOT for my looks, but for my passions, my insides, what I love in life. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not complimenting myself by mentioning my looks. But all my relationships failed because they were about how she thought I was cute, and she didn't care about what I love in life at all. It was kid love. It was silly. And just like Stanley Ipckis, I'm dying for the opportunity to break free, and be who I want to be for somebody. I've got to love myself for who I am and understand that I'm enough. That I'm worth it. I've got to value what I have to offer a girl, instead of hating myself and thinking I'm never enough. And I'm not going to use a "mask" to get a girl. I'm not going to be fake-cool, the kind that gets you lots of hot female friends for when you decide you want to have a party. I hate that life, I don't want it. I don't care if the girl thinks I'm sexy or if she thinks I'm really smart or she likes my talents or wants an accessory man, or if she just wants to get in my pants. I want you to see what I love in life, and I hope that it'll be enough for you. Because our lives burn away very quickly, like candles; and we have to stop. We have to cherish who the other person is. We can't just let this go by, thinking it's all about "pleasing me". Because it will go by, and for billions of people, it has. Be different. Don't be a conformist. Listen to what I just said. Don't live the life that's  happened billions of times before.


I'm a poetic guy. I'm not gay, I am who I am. I'll say what I want to say because it's how I feel, and I'd be hopelessly boring and intellectually stupid if I didn't cross that line of what you think I SHOULD do as a normal man. I don't earn my "mancard" (such a dismal invention of an achievist, self-critical society) by anything I do. I do it by loving Christ and especially myself (the person God made me), and not being content with living a spiritually dull life. If I don't love myself right where I am, then tell me, how can I love my neighbor as myself? Or have you forgotten that the very thing Jesus calls us to do is love ourselves just as we are, so that we can accept grace? Who can accept undeserved grace if they only self-loathe? I'm not talking about "Oprah self-love" that makes you into such a good person,  you're a god. I'm talking about the self-love that brings contentment and peace of mind, that when all falls apart, at least you love who you are, because hey, God does.

Could video games be ministry?

I've heard that some have tried to use their xbox subscription to the glory of God by evangelizing online during a video game match. A lot of people think that's absurd. However, because I like to look at both sides of an issue, I'm not going to immediately condemn it. But I do have some thoughts that I think give some insight into this subject.

I was thinking today about how my little brother and I play online and how it never really brings us together. Let me explain.

He misses me a lot. I'm often away from home for long periods of time, so I can see why. He also plays video games a lot, so that's a great opportunity to hang out with him, right?

Well, I'm beginning to think differently. The very nature of the games we play, such as COD 4 Modern Warfare, are such that several things happen in the game that actually keep us "apart" the whole time we're playing together. Literally, the very nature of the game separates us even though we're trying to spend some time together.

Here's what I mean.

Problem One. I die a lot in Call of Duty. Fact. That means that even if I can find my bro in the game, and I try to fight alongside him, I don't last long. Then I get spawned again, this time across the map, so I have to spend the majority of my time in cyberspace actually "away" from my brother, trying to get to him, when the whole point is to be "with" him playing this game.

Problem Two. We're not in the same room, we're in opposite sides of the house, playing in the same match. Problem is, even though we have headsets to talk to each other, that's the only real thing about my brother that I'm getting to encounter in this game. And you know boys. We don't talk much... we just shoot things.

So maybe if it were Nintendo Wii, or if we were playing splitscreen, then I'd actually get to sit in the same room as him and do something fun that makes us laugh together. I've been hoping for another way to connect to my brother besides this... because really, the way it feels when we're done playing, is very, very unfulfilled. I don't feel like I've seen my brother at all, or enjoyed any time with him. It's really robbed me of getting to joke around and laugh with him. You know, doing stuff that makes memories, that we all love doing. Cause who doesn't love hanging out? It's just meaningless. You just play and then you're done, and what do you get to keep? What about your videogame endures beyond you turning off the console? Are you finding your self-worth in what achievements you've earned on XBOX Live? Talk about sad!

So the next time he asks me if I can play Call of Duty, I have to wonder... what are some other things we could do that would actually make us feel like we spent time together? Makes me sound like a goody-goody nerd who writes self-help books, but I don't care. I'm not.

So I have to question anyone who says they're trying to talk about Jesus while people are busy blowing each others' heads off. Not very many videogame players are thinking about how unfulfilled they are while they are playing, but instead after they play. Your online presence has little affect on anyone. It's a waste of time... because it's not real.