After having forsaken God earlier this afternoon in one of the many ways in which I do, I woke from my nap a few minutes ago, sat up and realized that God is laughing at me. God is laughing that I would ever think I can shake him or do something so bad that it would discourage him from his loving mission for me. What I felt was that he was smiling at me and he told me I have every hope in the world because my righteousness was never actually mine... it was his. And that nothing I do could lessen his hold on me, and that it's really quite a joke I think I have any power to change that. My loved and privileged status in his eyes is only because of his selfless nature to put up with such ignorant fools as myself. But anyway, what it felt like was God's boisterous laughing amusement that if I am now any less sure of his love for me, then I've lost my brain.
I then got to thinking about this whole Protector thing that's going on. He laughed at me for thinking I could shake him, lose him with my sin. It really seems quite plain right now, to be honest with you... and may God humble me severely if there is any pride in my words. I do tend to love the thrill of sounding smart, after all.
The specific Protection I'm referring to, that cannot be lost, that exists beyond my choice, is nothing more than the Holy Spirit. It's not strange, it's not spooky, it's not some stupid ghost based in physical matter like the orbs and shadowy shapes they claim to show you on TV. But there is Something quite beyond me that is amused I think I could ever shake myself out of his arms.
The Bible says we're indwelt by the Holy Spirit. A lot of people hear "indwelt" and immediately fit it with the schemas of what they know: exorcisms, demons, unwholesome things inhabiting, indwelling people. That there's a sort of a powerful and dark connotation here, with a sense that it is very strange and unwelcome.
But the application of the Holy Spirit to our souls is not weird; it is nothing more than something Real unwaveringly protecting and transforming something irreparably fake. Something so fake, it doesn't even know it is. Humanity continues in its course not understanding just how futile it is without God's loving help. And we could never know what is actually real until it became visible for us.
It's an eye-opening moment. And it's probably not something I can "cause" anyone to have by reading this. It's just that the longer I've known God, the more I think that to sweat my past mistakes is silly... he's already past it. I confess why it was wrong to my Friend and I move on. Do I always have the sense to do that? No. But sometimes God helps me see that.
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