Something that's been heavy on my heart lately is that whenever my friends sin against each other (for example, a crude joke, however light), the one who's offended just talks about it, but never confronts the other one on one... and so the offender never learns and grows up.
It's really hard to just watch people shy away from doing their part to helping their friends grow up. I don't know about you, but I didn't give up everything I used to live for just so I could just keep making the same mistakes over and over.
So if someone says something that annoys you or just makes you think, "Wow, that's just wrong" or you simply feel convicted inside to tell them that was really not in good taste, just tell 'em. I'm going to work on this myself. I love my friends, but they definitely say some things that objectify women. And so do I. I just feel like there's something better than this. I'm not saying we have to quit cold turkey, because men have their man-talk, and I love a good laugh with the boys. Just hear me on this... and let's let the Spirit quietly convict us to maybe think about some of the stuff we're saying and if it's really healthy to our one-on-one relationship with God. Please don't think I'm being a Nazi about it... I'm only saying this because for me, maintaining a relationship with God is hard enough without having my mind in the gutter.
There's a much more serious issue at hand here than stupid jokes. If you don't confront a Christian who sins against you, you're showing you have no balls whatsoever. There have been situations in which I messed up without realizing it, and one tattletale rats on me behind my back and suddenly I have a whole group of proud, churchy people breathing down my neck. What happened to one on one? Why didn't you have the balls to just tell me you think I did the wrong thing? Don't you care?
This is one of the things that pisses me off the most about modern-day Christians. Weak people lack the humility to confront each other one on one. If you say you love Christ, at least be real about it. Love your friend enough to tell them what they did wrong that hurt you. Read Matthew 18:15.
It is very hard to stand up, stand out, and effectively say what hurts us. I personally just want to keep peace and avoidance is often the tactic I use. If we are in a church where we do not feel free to say what is truly on our minds because we feel we would be judged (or rejected because we were hurt by joke) then what kind of Christian community are we really?
ReplyDeleteEpheisans 4:25-26 (well really the end of chpt 4 is awesome...)
Also one thing I have realized is that ppl dont really know how to go about kindly confronting ppl. "Love your friend enough to tell them what they did wrong that hurt you." People have tried to confront ppl in that manner or saying what they did wrong and ended badly. I LOVE Comm class because it taught me personally a great way to handle how to confront ppl. This is the only time when you put the focus on you! Just by simply stating I was really hurt when you said ____ because I _______. I would feel better if you ____ (hurray for Comm class!). If the person cares about you then he/she would not want you to be hurt or upset and would want to change.
I didnt mean to make this a long comment haha. I wish people would really take the time to sit back and think about how they and other communicate...I think it would solve alot of arguments.
Of course. I'm not saying "be confrontational about it and set that sucker straight." That would be completely ego-driven. What I'm talking about is that there are a lot of situations that have left me feeling guilty because I know that one of my Christian brothers needs setting straight on something, and it's to the degree that I know I should say something, but I didn't. We can find tons of ways to cop out and say that holding people accountable isn't our job, but... it is and Jesus said so. I'm not saying it has to be in a harsh way... quite the opposite! Tenderness is very much at the heart of what we believe and practice. When everyone hears "correction" they think "harsh". Bad, false idea.
ReplyDeleteThere are times that people have corrected me. I might be mad at first, but after a few days, I realize it. "You know what, they're right." And it's humbling.
Btw, the "I statements" you learned in Comm class... very effective. We learned that in Psychology. Because when we say "you did this/that" it puts them on the defensive. But when we refer to ourselves through "I", that shows them how we feel.
ReplyDelete