When we don't feel like being forgiven

ESV 1 John 3

[ 19 By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; 20 for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. 21 Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; 22 and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. ]

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This is a very encouraging passage of Scripture! Before this passage, the author describes how our willing adherence to God's law proves what's really in our hearts... God, not evil. So look at verse 20. "For whenever our heart condemns us,' (ever felt guilty and unworthy of the love of God?), 'God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. 21 Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God" (the opposite of self-hatred). So he's describing two different scenarios... one person feels self-hatred, the latter feels confident.

This difference, this shift, is explained after reading the next verse and relating it back to the previous passage.  

22 "and whatever we ask we receive from him" (that can be a spirit of forgiveness so that you can feel totally accepted by God). He doesn't only give things like healing, a better paycheck, a long-expected pregnancy. He gives gifts that help you uplift His name... that's the whole point. It's not about you and me! And the underlying reason He gives to us freely: "Because we keep his commandments and do what pleases Him." 

So there you go. We know we're saved because we can see a vast change in our lives from before we became believers. BUT, sometimes we can feel unworthy, and our hearts condemn us... BUT God is GREATER than our heart, so He can give us anything we ask... SO if we ask for a heart that loves Him, that accepts His death as being enough, then suddenly we realize how silly we were to feel unworthy because it made His death in vain. 

This is a cycle I go through all the time. Not letting the grace of Jesus apply to me. But grace is undeserved! It is getting what we don't deserve, by definition. How wicked is my heart, that despite that Jesus did everything for me, I don't even want to accept free grace! Thank God that He pushes me to accept His love and that He won't leave me alone.