The insatiable desire for more

I've been having a resurgence lately of feelings related to the fact that I... naturally want a woman. I mean, hey, I'm a dude with no legal outlet for my sexuality according to God's law, and frankly, that makes me a little frustrated! Humor aside, I'm trying and trying to manage it but the answer doesn't lie in that, it lies in surrender and just letting to and stopping what I'm doing. Because nothing I can do can improve this situation. I've had crushes and I've tried to make moves but it never works out. And I don't really have any strong feelings for anyone right now, which I guess is a good thing, especially since I'm not in a good stage of life to start dating someone. But then again, my reasoning is discarded by a wise God who has better plans. So who am I to say when the best time is to find a wife? It could come in the most inconvenient time for me, just to test my character.

And I really do want somebody. I've always deep down wanted to be a loving husband and a great dad who is well-integrated into his children's lives. Even if I'm not graced with kids, I'd love the opportunity to share the close intimacy with a woman. I feel the need for closeness with another soul... the desire to "know" a woman intimately, like they used to say in the old days and before the 60's when a new wave of sexual vocabulary made its entrance.

Sex is not a game. I've never thought it was. Ever since I was little, I treated it with respect and seriousness and discretion. When people started joking about it in 2nd grade, me and my friend Emily went around the classroom telling everyone "Sex just means whether you're a boy or a girl." We were innocent of sexual sin and we had no idea.

Now things are different. Perhaps its easy for me to say this because life has made me emotionally numb... it is true that I haven't been able to cry in months. I'd really like to, it'd help things. Anyway... nowadays I have scars from the things I've done, and though I never had sex, I kinda came close. Fortunately my relationships grew more and more pure as time went on, from the first to the fourth relationship. God saved me just in time, and I'm very thankful. I never really wanted to open that present before the birthday. I'm mostly over my ex girlfriends now... it was a really hard walk, letting go of them.

Why is it that we can never get enough of anything? I mean, other than the obvious religious answer, which is, "material things don't satisfy". Let's get past asceticism a little bit and just look at things differently.

Perhaps we can't get enough sex, enough power, enough money, enough glory (all righteous things in the correct context) because we're valuing those things the most in our lives. We won't settle for sex being number 2... it's gotta be number 1 baby! That's the way most men our age think. And the answer why is something for another time, another blog, and I will get to that.

But another answer comes to mind. Perhaps... we were made for eternity, or infinity. We were made to want an inexhaustible well, or fountain of... SOMETHING. But what is that something, exactly?

LOVE.

The reason we keep seeking after so many different things and they keep failing us is that our hearts are designed to want love. We can't function without it. The problem is that no one really knows what love actually is! But some are on the right track for finding out, and those people are those who genuinely love Christ. He is the only never-ending love that is ever-increasing.

1 Corinthians 13. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way (when in doubt, listen). Love is not irritable (no matter how early you get up for work), and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged (no grudges). It is never glad about injustice (abuse) but rejoices whenever the truth wins out (honesty is the best policy). Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance (no matter what cancer or age do to her).

Which one of you can love like this??? For even one second? To progressively work on each aspect and claim you've achieved it is to claim you're as good as God, even for that second. Blasphemy. None of us can do this. But Paul encourages us to pray and throw ourselves at it in PASSION and ACCEPTANCE of our partners. This makes people who divorce their partner suddenly look very foolish.

I'm not saying it's a perfect world. People can definitely marry someone who, for all social and emotional reasons, is their opposite and enemy. But if you looked at marriage like God does, you would understand that BECAUSE you married her, she is the one for you! Your marriage agreement makes her your ONE! So choose wisely, or not at all. This sums up what Paul was trying to say.