I started to type about my everyday life, but I'd rather not, that's been quite dull.
Historically I've made a god out of women. Recently though, I've begun to shift my focus and understand a few things about myself. I've realized that there is nothing about a woman that can save me from my malfunctional self. I've also realized that the reason I do good things is not because it makes me better, but because it glorifies Christ. Christ is glorious, but as for me, I am dust. I'm gonna talk about this topic, not women.
As for the part about doing good things, I've seen people get puffed up and broken down many times, including myself. I think that in a performance-oriented, individualistic society, it's nearly impossible to avoid thinking about life in terms of me, my struggles, my needs. Can a bent tree simply grow straight? We'll always deal with it.
I want to caution us, and to challenge us, that we will not count ourselves any better (or give ourselves any credit) for doing the right things. That's where the cycle starts... the cycle of works-righteousness. People give themselves credit.
It starts when you stand up and say no to porn, or when as an anorexic you deny that dessert at a restaurant, or when you stop your tongue from saying something crude. You feel good about the fact that you caught your sin between the hammer and the anvil, and dang, it feels good. That's it right there... the credit you give yourself.
That's not counting all else as loss. That's not self-denial for the sake of Jesus.
So what happens after this? The porn addict feels good he's not done it, and because of his pride that accumulates over days, he is deceived, and he slips back into his habits because he feels he can "afford just one more time." As for the anorexic, she feels good about not having that chocolate cake at Olive Garden (idk, do they have chocolate cake?), so she prides herself in it. The next day when she's hungry, she feels bad when she compares herself to her "better" image a few days before, when she "won" and did what was "righteous", by not eating the cake (so not surprisingly, she doesn't want to eat). As for the one who shuts herself up right before gossiping about her messed-up ex, she feels better about herself because like the porn addict & anorexic, she thinks, "Hey! I'd be worse if I'd done it! That's one step closer to heaven and I can put a hop and skip in my step today."
This is idolatry.
The porn addict worships (well, obviously, porn). But he also worships himself as his own higher power. That's why he elevates himself as a result of triumphing over his addiction. So God hands him back over to it until he finally learns, many emotional scars of guilt later. His emotional self-worth is loss compared to Christ.
The anorexic worships control. She worships image as well. Which is why she measures her worth, her righteousness, by how she looks (or for that matter, how she thinks she looks). And no regard is given to the health of her soul. Only her body. So God hands her over to her vicious cycle until she learns that everything, even self-image and control of our lives, are loss compared to Christ.
The one with the slippery tongue worships pride. That was the reason for both her urge to gossip, AND her urge to shut up. Her control over her behavior only served the same goal... to feel better about herself and better than her ex. Although she has a healthy understanding that her ex was a jerk, what she doesn't understand is that she's just as sinful, so God lets her cycle of guilt and anger continue. She doesn't know her pride is nothing compared to Christ.
Let us not think that what we do will help us at all. Let us not think that anything about us will make us any better. I can say this a thousand times, but if you don't understand, it won't help. Going to Bible study will not make you "closer to God". Neither will going to Church or listening to your favorite Christian songs instead of awkward new songs you don't know.
What makes you and me "good", at all, is what Christ did for us filthy sinners. We have loved everything BUT our rightful companion, Christ, and in so doing, we are whores. Ezekiel 6:9.
This is the "electricity" that keeps the Gospel charged and amazing. The utter messed-up-ness of man and woman, and the utterly undeserved grace of God through Christ.
There is absolutely no place in Heaven for proud Christians.
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