Hey. This week has been restorative for me, personally... though not as intensely restorative as it should have been. I haven't been putting all my heart into prayer. But I have been making an effort to honestly talk to God. Part of my problem is I don't let myself feel His love... it feels like I'm cheating Jesus, cheating God... taking something I didn't earn or deserve. It really feels wrong. I guess it should... considering I really don't deserve it. I think I'm beginning to understand the real gospel now... how this grace is undeserved and unwarranted and that my efforts will never make me any better than the sorriest son of a dog anywhere... sin is sin and God's never cool with it.
Sometimes when I write, it has the effect of making me feel good about myself... that I'm creative and sound spiritual to others. Pride is a very dangerous thing, and I pray right now that if I have any intent here to win your favor with my words and intellect, that God would crush it now.
Just know that I'm feeling better. Pray that I love Christ and want Him more than anything else... please.
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